Sunday, November 11, 2012

Eat This NOT That...

I'm generally pretty polite to panhandlers and occasionally I do give them money.  Especially if they actually work for it by playing a sax or by performing magic. But I get a little edgy when they start asking for MY food that I happen to be carrying at the time like when...

*Big, fat guy sits down at a bench across from my father and I and starts chatting us up. He then asks us for some $ for his next meal while he's eating a bag of those Roasted Pecans that you can buy from street carts but you don't because they cost like seven bucks a bag? Gall. My Dad looked very uncomfortable but I just laughed and told him "No".

*Big, fat guy on Michigan Avenue in Chicago spies my leftovers from The Cheese Cake Factory and asks if I'm going to eat them.  ???  My girlfriends with me and I'm too unsure of the area to give him a crafty answer so I just walked on by.

*Today, I'm biking home with my take-out dinner from Noodles when I have to stop and zip my backpack because crap was starting to fall out of it. A big, fat girl waiting for the bus nearby asks "Hey you gonna eat that?"
Well, I was holding work shoe in my hand at the time so I had no idea what she was talking about so I just replied...
"You gonna eat them Noodles leftovers you just threw on the ground?" says the fat girl.
I'm still a little confused but then realized that my noodles bag from Noodles had Noodles written on it so I figured that she was talking about the noodles even though it was new and not leftovers(whew).
"I didn't throw it on the ground. I set it on the ground" I replied while recramming junk in my backpack.
"I'll take em if you ain't gonna eat em then."

(OK, at this point I had just finished a difficult day at work and all I wanted to do was go home and eat so I really wasn't in the best of spirits for this encounter. The rest of what was said was done so with high volume and wild gesticulating.)
"Well fucking alright then you don't need to get all nasty about it motherfucker", says the big,fat girl.
"No, you're the one that's nasty asking people for their leftovers. You have a bag of fucking groceries, what are you doing asking me for my food?
"Fuck you motherfucker. Bike out of here you faggot ass"
"You're the one that you could use a ride on a bike you fat fuck" I replied as I rode away leaving her to scream at me.

By the way, that was the BEST bowl of Noodles I had ever eaten in my life.

First World Problems