This Is What They Give Me!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
I am not a potted plant, madam!
Working in the restaurant industry, you learn to cater to the eccentric whims of customers. Sure, I'll turn the air conditioning lower even though everyone else in the place is comfortable. Sure, I'll read the whole menu to you over the phone during our lunch rush. Sure, I'll personally butter your bagel for you because you think it tastes better when I do it. etc
But then there is the lady who chastised us during a rush for not caring for our potted plants that we have on the patio. She shrieked, "..they are in desperate, desperate, need of water!" and then read us the riot-act on caring for living creatures. We agreed to water the plants when we had time and she left. I didn't mention the fact that since they are annuals that they were at the end of their lifespan anyway and that they would be pitched in about a week or so. But the eccentric"kicker" is that she has done this two years in a row...
But then there is the lady who chastised us during a rush for not caring for our potted plants that we have on the patio. She shrieked, "..they are in desperate, desperate, need of water!" and then read us the riot-act on caring for living creatures. We agreed to water the plants when we had time and she left. I didn't mention the fact that since they are annuals that they were at the end of their lifespan anyway and that they would be pitched in about a week or so. But the eccentric"kicker" is that she has done this two years in a row...
Thursday, August 18, 2011
No Campaign, por favor.
I'm out. I don't f**king care about election 2012 anymore. I'll either vote Nader or Teetotaler but I'm not following this bullshit anymore.Two reasons:
*No Democrat is challenging Obama or has at least it's not getting any coverage. Challenging the incumbent is a good thing and usually adds dialogue and discourse within the party.
*Ron Paul. No media outlet is covering the guy even though he came up strong in the Iowa straw-poll. He's the only guy that's actually saying how he really feels about things and actually provides real solutions to current problems. I don't agree with everything he says but I like the fact that he tries to be honest with people.
Jon Stewart talks about this in more detail:
*No Democrat is challenging Obama or has at least it's not getting any coverage. Challenging the incumbent is a good thing and usually adds dialogue and discourse within the party.
*Ron Paul. No media outlet is covering the guy even though he came up strong in the Iowa straw-poll. He's the only guy that's actually saying how he really feels about things and actually provides real solutions to current problems. I don't agree with everything he says but I like the fact that he tries to be honest with people.
Jon Stewart talks about this in more detail:
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Legend Lives On From The Chippewa On Down...
Had a dream last night that the Edmund Fitzgerald had sank again(!?!). Right. Well, Freudianism aside, I've always been a bit fascinated by the Fitzgerald tragedy. Huge iron ship in the middle of hurricane winds and monster waves then suddenly gone--along with her crew. Now the Edmund sits on the bottom of Lake Superior underneath 500ft of frigid water in absolute darkness. (Shudder)
But what really makes the little hairs stand up on my arms is this photo which was taken from a submarine they sent down to survey the wreckage. Just a couple of glowing orbs in the water?
"The water temperature was 43 degrees and the depth was 530 feet. Pressure was 251 pounds per square inch. No debris was in the water and nothing was dropped from the surface. There is no logical explanation for their sudden appearance. The objects floated toward and disappeared into the hull of the ship."--The Detroit Free Press
No fish can live down there so who knows. Plasma? Spirit orbs? Just plain mystical.
And in case you haven't heard it in awhile, here is Gordon Lightfoot's "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" just to set the mood.
But what really makes the little hairs stand up on my arms is this photo which was taken from a submarine they sent down to survey the wreckage. Just a couple of glowing orbs in the water?
"The water temperature was 43 degrees and the depth was 530 feet. Pressure was 251 pounds per square inch. No debris was in the water and nothing was dropped from the surface. There is no logical explanation for their sudden appearance. The objects floated toward and disappeared into the hull of the ship."--The Detroit Free Press
No fish can live down there so who knows. Plasma? Spirit orbs? Just plain mystical.
And in case you haven't heard it in awhile, here is Gordon Lightfoot's "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" just to set the mood.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Ding! Dong! Another Witch Is Dead!!!
Good News! No, GREAT NEWS!!! Flowers are blooming, dogs and cats are holding hands, and the sunset this evening was the most beautiful ever witnessed by mankind. And why? No, Gov Scott Walker didn't spontaneously sprout a soul or a college degree but something just as magical has happened!
GLENN BECK HAS ANNOUNCED HE IS LEAVING FOX NEWS!
He came to a mutual agreement with Fox to leave the air this fall! Why? Because his ratings stink and continue to decline. And that translates into money. Poor ratings and a boycott of over four-hundred companies over Becks idiotic comments have collectively ended his reign of error.
!!!!!JOY!!!!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Lorie and Ryan Davenport are the Biggest Idiots on the Face of the Planet.
Yeah, you heard me. Idiots. They began camping out at a Best Buy last week in order to be the first in line for the big "Black Friday" sale that starts this Friday. That will be nine days of their lives spent camping in front of the store. Assuming that they are employed, that's either nine days of unpaid leave or nine days of paid vacation time that they're pissing away. Best Buy unexpectedly gave them an iPad for being the first campers at one of their stores but still. What a pathetic way to spend Thanksgiving. Read the story:Link
THEY ARE WASTING NINE DAYS OF THEIR LIVES SO THAT THEY COULD BUY SOMETHING ON SALE!
The best part is that these two losers do this stunt every year. They admitted that they have no idea what they actually want to buy this time around...
Jeez, and I felt a little goofy for waiting a couple of hours before Target opened at 5am on a Black Friday. The kicker was that all the gifts that I got on "sale" there were eventually priced the same just a few days before Christmas. From my own experience, look for sales just before Christmas or avoid the mall altogether by shopping on "CyberMonday" which is the first Monday after Thanksgiving.
THEY ARE WASTING NINE DAYS OF THEIR LIVES SO THAT THEY COULD BUY SOMETHING ON SALE!
Jeez, and I felt a little goofy for waiting a couple of hours before Target opened at 5am on a Black Friday. The kicker was that all the gifts that I got on "sale" there were eventually priced the same just a few days before Christmas. From my own experience, look for sales just before Christmas or avoid the mall altogether by shopping on "CyberMonday" which is the first Monday after Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Turks with Knives
"When you speak the truth, have a foot in the stirrup."
---Turkish proverb.
So, say you're having a conversation with someone about the insecurities of living in this post-9/11 world of ours and that someone says...
"When I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous..."
What might your reaction be? Maybe agreement or a polite rebuke? Either way, would you go to the end of the earth to see this persons career destroyed and basically upend their world?
Well if you're the CEO of National Public Radio(NPR) you would. And with gusto. The head of NPR, Vivian Schiller, did just that when she fired the respected journalist Juan Williams after he made that comment on The O'Reilly Factor, when the topic came around to the Muslim quandary in America. After firing him she said that Williams should save those remarks for "his psychiatrist or his publicist." Nice! The irony is that Williams went on to say that we shouldn't associate Muslims with extremist Muslims like we shouldn't label all Christians as extremists because of the Oklahoma City bombings.
Personally I agree with the guy. Whether it's a logical fear or not, soft alarm bells go off in my head at times. Coincidentally, a week before Williams was fired, I had an experience where in the restaurant that I work at a group of ten Muslim men and women walked in wearing "their garb", ordered no food, and broke off into groups of two and sat dispersed around the restaurant. ??? They had books with them and were apparently studying Muslim scripture, stayed for about an hour before leaving together without eating. Call me and my associates bigots but we were a little unsettled.
But I'm a reasonable guy. In return, the next time I'm in Saudi Arabia and I wear jeans and a "Guns n Roses" shirt to a restaurant I won't be the least bit offended if the peeps view me a wee bit wearily.
---Turkish proverb.
So, say you're having a conversation with someone about the insecurities of living in this post-9/11 world of ours and that someone says...
"When I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous..."
What might your reaction be? Maybe agreement or a polite rebuke? Either way, would you go to the end of the earth to see this persons career destroyed and basically upend their world?
Well if you're the CEO of National Public Radio(NPR) you would. And with gusto. The head of NPR, Vivian Schiller, did just that when she fired the respected journalist Juan Williams after he made that comment on The O'Reilly Factor, when the topic came around to the Muslim quandary in America. After firing him she said that Williams should save those remarks for "his psychiatrist or his publicist." Nice! The irony is that Williams went on to say that we shouldn't associate Muslims with extremist Muslims like we shouldn't label all Christians as extremists because of the Oklahoma City bombings.
Personally I agree with the guy. Whether it's a logical fear or not, soft alarm bells go off in my head at times. Coincidentally, a week before Williams was fired, I had an experience where in the restaurant that I work at a group of ten Muslim men and women walked in wearing "their garb", ordered no food, and broke off into groups of two and sat dispersed around the restaurant. ??? They had books with them and were apparently studying Muslim scripture, stayed for about an hour before leaving together without eating. Call me and my associates bigots but we were a little unsettled.
But I'm a reasonable guy. In return, the next time I'm in Saudi Arabia and I wear jeans and a "Guns n Roses" shirt to a restaurant I won't be the least bit offended if the peeps view me a wee bit wearily.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Why I Like To Check Myself Out
There was a time when I avoided those "self-checkout" kiosks like the plague. Now I actively seek them out. I always thought that by using there self-checkouts that I was taking away someones job. It maybe so but I would rather not go through the bullshit of dealing with a talking human anymore.
Example:
I was trying to purchase a bunch of bananas at the Copps grocery store and I busied up to the self-checkout when it asked me for my produce code. Ha! I actually remembered that I would have to know this code and I entered the digits on the touchscreen. Then..."Pistachios $6.99#" came up on my screen. I looked around for a clerk for assistance but there were none to be found. With my morale reaching a new low, I sulked over to the manned checkout.
So now I'm in the "Express" lane which is now 20 items or less. ??? It used to be 10 then 15 but is now 20. So it's either this lane or the "full service lane". I stand my ground.
It shouldn't be too bad of a wait with just an elderly lady ahead of me. But what's this? SHE HAS MORE THAN 20 ITEMS! MORE LIKE 40! THERE HAS TO BE 10 CANS OF SWEET PEAS ALONE! "The secret is to stay cool", I tell myself as I check my watch.
"Are those your bananas?", the clerk asked.
"Yes", says me.
"You should put a bar in between so it doesn't get mixed up with hers"
"They're all the way at the end, it's pretty easy to tell."
Silence.
So finally he scans and then the elderly lady decides to take out her checkbook. After taking about 2 minutes to fill it out she asks, "What was the total again? I want to write it for $20 over."
"It's $37.39"
So she hands him the check, he processes it and then says,
"Oops, you wrote it for $57.33 so you'll get back $19.94".
Oh man here we go! Apparently all this New Math wasn't covered in her period school back in the day so there a multi-minute discussion about how and why this happened, how she wanted a $20 bill to put in a card and how she HATES having to carry around all that coin in her purse. I'm in between openly fuming and frantically searching for $.06 in my backpack just to get the ball rolling.
So after 10 minutes or so, it's my turn.
"Hello"
"Hi"
"Just the bananas?"
"Yes"
"One second", he says and replaces the paper in the printer.
"Do you have a Copps card to use today?"
"No"
"Do you want to apply for one?"
"I have one I just don't want to use it."
I'm obviously vexed and hurried but we have to play the game.
"That will be $1.14"
I hand him a $5 bill.
"One second, Marjorie! I need quarters!"
God Dammit!
"Paper or plastic" says the girl at the end of the checkout.
"Neither. they're already in that little plastic bag"
"But do you want a bag with handles?"
"NO! I'll put in my backpack"
By this time the guy finally gets my change but doesn't hand it to me until he tears off the receipt.
"Thank you for shopping at Copps"
"Sure"
"Have a great day!" says the bagger girl.
"Thanks"
I start to make my escape.
"SIR!"
Jolted I turn around to face the clerk when he says...
"You have 2 coupons"
Our eyes meet, we hold a stare and somewhere off in the distance a dog barks. I nonchalantly walk back, gaze at the 6 or so people waiting in line behind me, grab my coupons, exhale and saunter off.
The coupons? Why they are for cottage cheese and Vagisil...
Example:
I was trying to purchase a bunch of bananas at the Copps grocery store and I busied up to the self-checkout when it asked me for my produce code. Ha! I actually remembered that I would have to know this code and I entered the digits on the touchscreen. Then..."Pistachios $6.99#" came up on my screen. I looked around for a clerk for assistance but there were none to be found. With my morale reaching a new low, I sulked over to the manned checkout.
So now I'm in the "Express" lane which is now 20 items or less. ??? It used to be 10 then 15 but is now 20. So it's either this lane or the "full service lane". I stand my ground.
It shouldn't be too bad of a wait with just an elderly lady ahead of me. But what's this? SHE HAS MORE THAN 20 ITEMS! MORE LIKE 40! THERE HAS TO BE 10 CANS OF SWEET PEAS ALONE! "The secret is to stay cool", I tell myself as I check my watch.
"Are those your bananas?", the clerk asked.
"Yes", says me.
"You should put a bar in between so it doesn't get mixed up with hers"
"They're all the way at the end, it's pretty easy to tell."
Silence.
So finally he scans and then the elderly lady decides to take out her checkbook. After taking about 2 minutes to fill it out she asks, "What was the total again? I want to write it for $20 over."
"It's $37.39"
So she hands him the check, he processes it and then says,
"Oops, you wrote it for $57.33 so you'll get back $19.94".
Oh man here we go! Apparently all this New Math wasn't covered in her period school back in the day so there a multi-minute discussion about how and why this happened, how she wanted a $20 bill to put in a card and how she HATES having to carry around all that coin in her purse. I'm in between openly fuming and frantically searching for $.06 in my backpack just to get the ball rolling.
So after 10 minutes or so, it's my turn.
"Hello"
"Hi"
"Just the bananas?"
"Yes"
"One second", he says and replaces the paper in the printer.
"Do you have a Copps card to use today?"
"No"
"Do you want to apply for one?"
"I have one I just don't want to use it."
I'm obviously vexed and hurried but we have to play the game.
"That will be $1.14"
I hand him a $5 bill.
"One second, Marjorie! I need quarters!"
God Dammit!
"Paper or plastic" says the girl at the end of the checkout.
"Neither. they're already in that little plastic bag"
"But do you want a bag with handles?"
"NO! I'll put in my backpack"
By this time the guy finally gets my change but doesn't hand it to me until he tears off the receipt.
"Thank you for shopping at Copps"
"Sure"
"Have a great day!" says the bagger girl.
"Thanks"
I start to make my escape.
"SIR!"
Jolted I turn around to face the clerk when he says...
"You have 2 coupons"
Our eyes meet, we hold a stare and somewhere off in the distance a dog barks. I nonchalantly walk back, gaze at the 6 or so people waiting in line behind me, grab my coupons, exhale and saunter off.
The coupons? Why they are for cottage cheese and Vagisil...
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